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Bodies Of Water

by Make Do And Mend

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1.
Shambles 02:03
I don’t believe in anything worth fighting for, worth dying for. I don’t believe the clouds are hiding much more than a reason to downpour. So what would you do if you were me? Give up, forget, and go back to sleep. I believe that heaven is like her ocean eyes, deeper than mountains climb. I believe that hell is like watching her smile knowing shell never be mine. So what would you do if you were me? Just hide your heart and go back to sleep.
2.
The sun is coming up in the Monday sky, and I could toss and turn until these sheets caught fire. It’s an eight-semester game of chance in this lonely room with these empty hands; eight am is the last thing on my mind. But I can count the ways we let the minutes slip from our hands in this dorm room dance of days. And I think its safe to say that we let the good days get away. Where were your arms when the wind was so cold? Where were your hands when the time was so hard to hold? I’m coming undone thirty-five miles from home, on this winter-campus wasteland all alone. Hum the bars to the saddest songs. Look in the mirror and wonder what went wrong, the handsome kid the pictures show is gone. Now Willimantic’s got her cold teeth in me, sucking dry the dude I used to be back then. I know the rules; I set the trap that snared me. I failed the test of time and time again.
3.
Father 03:45
I watched the fireworks explode, and from your shoulders I could see a different world. No lies, no hate, no fear, no pain, just flashes of blue and yellow flame. I smiled, you smiled, but smiles can fade. How am I a product of this man? I’ve watched the sunrise on his skin; I’ve felt the warm touch of his hand. Father I hope you understand, that I’ve been running from your eyes, but now I’m coming back again. Calendar pages hit the floor counting the days and years before sons become men, plans change, paths bend, until I’m not your little one anymore. The winters pass, now I see your face in the mirrored glass, reminding me to slow down. Because my early grays, and the bags under my eyes prove the case that I cant handle the weight. I don’t want to be here alone. Father it’s been to long, take your son’s hand and walk me home.
4.
I drove by the cemetery wondering, who will write our eulogies? Because I’ve been having some trouble lately believing that god is more than winter whistling in these trees. I’ve been counting my blessings carefully wondering, who will come to satisfy this wait? And I’ve been humming Hail Mary’s safely hoping someone out there is going to save us from this rain. But sunrise, sunset I feel the same. The ins and outs, the hides and seeks of shaky faith and my modern belief, that for right now there’s nothing that I need worth writing home pretending I cant see. I’ve been wondering, how will you understand why I’ve been falling fast from Heaven’s holy hands? It’s just the centuries of inconsistencies in the way we think that’s wearing me thin. We weren’t born afraid, we were made this way. The ins and outs, the hides and seeks of shaky faith and my modern belief, that for right now there’s nothing that I need worth writing home pretending I cant see, that its make believe, and we’re all we need.
5.
No Words 03:19
I’ve been following the steam trail of her breath on these winter streets, running from an early death. She’s everything I need, want, and can’t have. She’s the foreign life I’ve desperately been clawing at. Countless time upon countless time, her blank stare connects with mine, panic sets in and I avert my eyes. She couldn’t love what she doesn’t know. I’m just the stranger who can’t let go of the thing that I want most in this whole world. I used to disregard regret, but there are some things that I can’t forget. I’d ignore my shame but it’s been pounding in my head. Sometimes the emptiness pervades in this lonely room’s skeletal embrace. With no love in my life these days are getting harder and harder to face. I’m slipping further and further away. These are the things at night I prayed I’d never feel the untamable sadness life too often deals. So give me a sign show me that love isn’t the cold dead hand of winter creeping up.
6.
TL 04:32
We were kids on that sylvan street where you lived. There were fears, but they were never ours for those years. Like your Grandpa’s car broken down by your front door stairs, we were never meant to move, life couldn’t touch us there. Do your hands shake when you think of the ways that we lived? Does your heart ache just to turn back the pages again? Back to Dan and Jose teasing us in your basement chairs. Back to Braeburn days and the way best friends were better there. Nothing gold ever cared. And I know we said we’d never change, in our back yard world we knew we’d stay the same. But those times were fleeting like the summer days. We were bodies of water, destined to flow our separate ways. We let is slip away. We didn’t earn these smiles, and we didn’t earn life’s easier miles, but we were the best friends the world had seen from a while.

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released March 31, 2009

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